Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: There's a Cure for That

We’ve all done it. Second thoughts…. If only … What if ….. Maybe I should have…. Maybe if I hadn’t...

Those are the thoughts that sometimes run as a constant loop through our minds and rob us of peace and contentment. We are not alone in this struggle. Ask anyone. They’ll tell you that they too struggle with the “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda Syndrome.”

Even the apostle Paul was challenged with those same thoughts. In Romans 7: 15-20, he writes,

“I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. “ (from The Message)

Sound familiar. At one time or another we’ve all come to the conclusion that “something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” Face it. Satan doesn’t play fair. He’s out to undermine our efforts and keep us doubting ourselves and doubting God’s power and presence at work in each of us.

If there was ever a truth to hang onto, it’s this verse from 1 John 4:4, “Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world.”

With God’s help, we can silence the lies of the enemy and even ourselves. It's not easy, but it's possible.

In 2nd Corinthians 10:5, Paul writes, “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

What Paul is saying here is basically that every thought and idea that is not of God should be “taken captive” or not allowed to roam about free in our minds and spirits where those thoughts can cause us harm.

The battle in our minds, or the “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda Syndrome,” makes its presence known in three main areas of thought; temptations, aspirations, and regrets. These are known symptoms of this affliction.

Temptation, easily the oldest trick in the book, can cover a pretty large range.

Whether it’s cheating on a diet, cheating on a test, or cheating on your spouse; it all starts with a thought. Once the thought takes hold, it becomes an action. The action then leads down the path that Paul describes in the verses above, “I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.”

We need to learn the art of “taking captive” those improper thoughts. Don’t entertain them. Take a stand. Philippians 4:8 challenges us to turn our thoughts towards other things; “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Aspirations is the next item on my list. Aspirations are your goals and dreams. They are the things you hope to achieve or accomplish. While aspirations is not bad thing, this “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda” symptom can spin out of control and manifest itself in your life in one of two ways.

The first way is when your ambition becomes your singular focus to the detriment of everything else. Too often we don’t count the cost of our ambition. It’s great to have vision and drive, but when we allow those aspirations to consume out thoughts and actions there will be consequences. Jesus knew that this would be a trap that many would fall into. He warned the disciples in Matthew 16:26, “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?”

The other way that Aspirations can derail us is when we are facing a crossroads and can’t decide which way to go. The decision-making process can paralyze you from taking any action. The thoughts that overwhelm your mind are thoughts of what if, and should I or shouldn’t I. You then get caught up in mental gymnastics playing out all of the scenarios and eventualities in your mind.

It's times like those when we really need to follow David’s leading in Psalm 46:10 where he writes, “Be Still and Know that I am God.” Quiet your mind. Slow your thoughts. Remember that God has plans for your and your future. Our thoughts could never come close to the thoughts that God has for us. Meditate on that truth and put God in charge of your aspirations.

The final symptom of the “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda Syndrome” is regrets.

Picture if you will, a person on a journey. Periodically, as he travels along, he stops, picks up a rock and puts it in his backpack. Depending on how far he travels and how often he stops to pick up rocks, his backpack will soon become too heavy to carry. Regrets are like that. They become mental weights that we carry. Those thoughts, if left unchecked, can lead to depression, anxiety, and emotional stress. The burden of regrets can cloud our minds and make it difficult to enjoy the goodness that God has for us.

Do not let regrets tangle your mind. God doesn’t keep score, so why should we? David was a man who made plenty of mistakes in his lifetime. He was well acquainted with the sting of regrets. However, he also knew the power of the grace of God and its ability to wipe away the stain of regret.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:8-12

The next time you start down the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” track, stop. Take captive those thoughts. Don’t give the enemy a place in your mind. Instead, follow David’s prescription from Psalm 136:1 “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.” God has an amazing plan for your life. Don’t let temptations, aspirations, and regrets sideline you.