Wouldn’t it be nice if forgiveness was a one-time thing? You know, one and done. Just like riding a bike, once you know how to do it, it becomes second nature. In the same way, it would be nice if once you learned to forgive someone you’d never have to do it again.
Unfortunately, life isn’t quite that simple. Relationships are messy and people are unpredictable. As a pastor’s wife, I have seen and experienced a variety of things over the years. People simply acting like people, not considering for a moment “What would Jesus do”, but instead plowing ahead with what they want to do, not giving a thought to those who are hurt by their actions or words. The wounds left by those experiences have left their mark on my memory and in some cases my spirit.
How then, do we master the art of forgiveness?
Jesus emphasized the value of forgiveness many times in scripture. In Matthew 5:23, He said, “if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” In other words, God can wait. Make peace with that person, then come back and worship God.
In Luke 17: 3&4, while teaching the disciples, Jesus said, “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
He even links our willingness to forgive with how God forgives us. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15
In his last moments on the cross, Jesus gave us a beautiful picture of true forgiveness when he prayed “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34
I can hear you saying, “but I’m not Jesus.” Correct. Instead, let’s look at someone else. Someone from a dysfunctional family who had ample opportunities to practice forgiveness. In Genesis, chapters 37 – 50 we find the account of Joseph.
Joseph is a great example of someone who had to practice the lesson of forgiveness multiple times. As you look at the events of his life, you can see time after time where he is abused, hurt, abandoned, and taken advantage of. Even members of his own family treated Joseph with contempt and secretly plotted to kill him.
Very often when things in our lives go sideways, we tend to wonder where God is. Is he aware that you are hurting? Does he know what happened to you? Does he even care? We are not given insight into Joseph's thoughts and feelings, but we are given a pretty exact picture of how his life turned out.
God had not abandoned Joseph. He had not turned a blind eye to what was taking place in Joseph’s life. Instead, God was right there orchestrating every detail. Was it a coincidence that slave traders happened to pass by where Joseph’s brothers were holding him; providing the brothers a perfect solution to get rid of their younger brother? Was it just a run of bad luck that Potipher’s wife falsely accused Joseph and had him thrown in jail? What about the off chance that two of Pharoah’s trusted servants were thrown in jail at the same time Joseph was there? Yet at every disappointment that Joseph experienced in Egypt, we never saw him raise his fist to God and shout “WHY?”
Do you wonder if he burned with anger and unforgiveness towards his brothers? After all, it was their fault he was in Egypt. Did Joseph ever let how others treated him affect his attitude and disposition?
I believe at each obstacle Joseph faced, he was able to let go of his anger and make the best of the situation. I do not say this because I’m an optimist and believe that everyone always does the right thing. Instead, I believe this because I do not find any indication that Joseph’s actions were motivated by anger and resentment.
As a slave in Potipher’s home, Joseph worked his way up to the position of the household manager. As a prisoner in the King’s jail, Joseph won the warden’s trust and was placed in charge of all those held in the prison. In Pharoah’s empire, Joseph was put in charge of the whole country of Egypt. I’ve worked around people with anger and resentment issues and know that Joseph’s accomplishments are not in keeping with the behaviors and actions of an angry, unforgiving person. Instead, these are the blessings and benefits granted by God to someone who refused to look back. Someone who refused to be a victim of his circumstances.
When Joseph was finally face-to-face with his brothers – after 22 years, he was able to say “do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on the earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.” (Genesis 45:5,7)
These are not the words of an angry, bitter man. These were the words of someone who had learned the art of forgiveness. Joseph knew the blessing found in forgiveness – true forgiveness.
Paul said it well in Philippians 3:13 “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”
“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.”
Corrie Ten Boom, Holocaust Survivor
Even as forgiveness has the power to free us, unforgiveness can prohibit us from reaching those goals that God has for us. It can even act as an obstacle to those goals we have for ourselves.
The art of forgiveness cannot be mastered in our own strength, but it is definitely something that God is willing and able to help us with, just as he did with Joseph. So, take a page from Joseph’s story forgive. Don’t let the past hold you captive. Make the best of where you are now and trust God to continue working all things together for your benefit.
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